20 days, I wish I didn't have to count time.
Selfish and close-minded. Am I? I missed the chance to say goodbye to my grandmother today. She's off to Singapore for a month. I'm leaving soon. Why didn't I realize?
I want to stand up for myself but I need the right time and moment. I'm not superwoman you know. I HAVE FLAWS. And if I don't embrace it, who will? I'm awful with timing, I'm sorry, but one day, you'll understand. I'm fine now, I hope you are too. I can't stand seeing you being anything but happy. I admit you're right, because I let myself be wrong. Respect, that I will always give you. Will you return some?
Sleeping at 3 in the morning after a fit of tears is rewarding in some ways. These are the only times I even sleep past 8-9 and still be able to take a nap AND still want more sleep. Sleep has never been such a good friend. Downside, triple eyelids and well defined slit eyes. One of the reasons I couldn't go out for dimsum with my buds today.
I've re-editted this blog, more or less. And I'll spend some time grooming you too. I haven't been faithful to you I apologize.
Midnight embraces.
This holiday. This holiday has been the best I've experienced so far. But the best thing, being reunited. Family. Muse. Yeah yeah you might think that "Oh, another sappy love story again," but halt your thoughts, I'm hearing none of it. You have no idea what it's like to be me. None.
Nice, amazing, awesome, grateful, relief.
These words don't even begin describing what it feels like to be back. It's not the things he does for me, it's the fact that he was there with me. Presence. It counts. Long distance has hardly any ups. The technology that allows communication strengthens and makes it more evident that there's a screen between us. Being able to see and not feel, it sucks. And all you can count on is faith, a mountain full of it. That being said, it does test a lot more in us. Trust and faith. It builds up. And when you see each other face to face again and realize it's mutual, you can't help but smile inside. He once said, it's not a feeling, it's a choice. I'd have it no other way.
Well, here we go again love, it's another two years. Of patience. Of silence. Of distance. Last year was long when I was going through it, but being back in your arms, worth it all over again. Did I regret anything? Not too much cause you see, I still have you. Oh and by the way, your family's too cute.
LDR (in my dictionary at least)
The ups : Having more time to think about who you really are/want to be. ie Who are you without your other half/boyf/hubby/lover/muse? Can you stand on your own?
The downs : Having no shoulder to cry on. That would be dangerous if some other person offered you theirs. Which also unintentionally leads to keeping-feelings-to-self which then leads to solitariness. Or worse.
Missing you? An understatement.
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