The uncried tears that fall so easy.

For the past 3 weeks I've been floating about.
I walk to school.
Come back from school.
Do my homework.
Go out with friends.
Eat.
Sit by the computer telling myself to do things that I never get around to do.

I feel so sick.
So so so sick.
What's right and what's wrong now?
I'm happy aren't I?
What's happiness now?
Is it the content you feel with what you have achieved or the desire to satisfy your wants?
I don't know anymore.

I feel disgusted that lately, I've been binging. The act of blaming it on depression, homesickness, stress, and etc seems to be a good way to allow my eating habits to go out of hand. I've been eating practically 24/7 nowadays and I'm getting worried. Not worried that I'm gaining weight, but the fact that I've become dependent on something now. Like an addict to cocaine.

I don't feel like myself anymore. I can't remember how I used to be anymore sometimes. part of me is holding on to my old personality while another is saying that I should move on. I feel robotic.

I keep telling myself it's just a phase I'm going through. I'll get over it. But when will I stop doubting?

I need my happy rainbow back. I've painted that in my old life and I want it now. I want it here too. I've lost the ability to share happiness. Lately, I've been asked "Are you okay Joevy? You look as if something's bothering you." I got so caught off guard hearing that.

YOU SEE, THAT'S NOT ME.

Will you send me some sunshine?